Funny Jokes - A Maltese joke
If Noah lived in the Malta today
......And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, 'In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.
'In a flash of lightening, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
'Remember' said the Lord, 'You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.'
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.
'Noah,' The Lord shouted. 'Where is the Ark?'
'Lord, please forgive me!' cried Noah. 'I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not meet the soon to be adopted EU codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. The Malta Shipbuilding and Malta Drydocks came out on strike because they claimed that only they have the right to build a sea going vessel. It took me months to explain to all, that the vessel is a DIY project and is to be made of wood. Then I got into a fight with the Maritime Authority over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating Industrial Law by building the Ark in the field in front of my house, so I had to get a concession from the Local Council. Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the sparrow. I finally convinced the Ghaqda Kaccaturi, Nassaba u Konservazzjonisti that I needed the wood to save the sparrows. However, the Malta Police won't let me catch any sparrows. So, no sparrows. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the General Workers Union before anyone of the 3 carpenters would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 highly paid carpenters on the Ark, but still no sparrows.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the Greenpeace animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Planning Authority notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Water Works Department demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Arab-Muslim Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking non-Catholics and Muslims aboard.
The Inland Revenue has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of Value Added tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
Finally, the Curia Commission got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that they are not informed that God is flooding the earth and since it is a religious event they want to dictate the external functions related to the launching. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years.' Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. 'You mean You are not going to destroy the earth Lord?'
'No,' said the Lord sadly. 'I don't have to. Your polcy makers already have.'
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