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Funny Jokes - One liners by women

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde
-Dolly Parton

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-Erma Bombeck

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride.
-Roseanne Barr

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

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