Funny Jokes - Atlanta School Board

HEIDI -- noun.  Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.  Remainder of greeting.

Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."

Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida.  Capital is Hot-lanta.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."

Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.

Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. 

Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR -- noun. A conflagration.

Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS -- noun. A supervisor.

Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.

Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.

Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.

Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT -- noun, verb.  1. a battle or combat.  2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE -- pronoun.  Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN -- adjective. Not local.

Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID -- adjective. Not alive.

Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction. 

Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE -- a contraction.

Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert." 

SEED -- verb, past tense.

VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?" 

HEAVY DEW -- phrase. A request for action.

Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" 

GUMMIT -- noun. A bureaucratic institution.

Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."